How important is compatibility after Nikah?

LOVE attracts one another, COMPATIBILITY holds them together!

Compatibility in Nikah

 

For a relationship to work, it must feel satisfactory to both the people involved in it. This goes for any style of relationship, whether it’s friendship, partnership or any other relationship.

One of the main reasons people can’t keep relationships sustainable is lack of compatibility

We have been conditioned to believe that love, chemistry and spark should conquer all the difficulties. But does it really? The idea of love has been corrupted by social media, movies and music. We often confuse compatibility with chemistry and make the wrong decisions based on fairy tales that have been fed to us since childhood. We put pressure on ourselves and our partner to maintain a ‘perfect relationship’ but in reality there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

There is a huge difference between loving something and being compatible with something.  A bird may love a fish, but if they desire to live together as partners, one or the other will die. 

Incompatibility is not about having differences. It’s about having differences that will make two people incapable of living in harmony. When people can’t coexist together to live in harmony, they’ll either suffocate themselves or try to change/ fix the other person. Look for someone in whom you can find peace and tranquility and can live with them in harmony despite having differences. 

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy..” [Quran, 30:21] 

Incompatibility can be found in all types of relationships, but it is most glaring in a husband and wife relationship. In a compatible relationship both partners live in joy and take responsibility for each other and do everything together unless it’s mutually agreed that they do it otherwise. We have been conditioned to believe that if we truly are a good person, we should be compatible with everyone and there should be no resistance. People often keep a blind eye on ‘compatibility’ while choosing their spouses, which results in a painful relationship. 

If the individual is not compatible with the other person, it has nothing to do with the individual being bad.

Zainab bint Jahsh (RA) was the wife of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW). She was previously married to the prophet’s adoptive son, Zayd Ibn Harithah (RA) (PBUH). Zainab bint Jahsh (RA) and Zayd Ibn Harithah (RA) divorced due to incompatibility, which caused strain in their marriage. 

As it is said, Islam is not just a religion but ‘a way of life’. It guides us in every aspect of lifeIn Islam, marital life has a significant importance, and we may find all the guidance we need to survive our married life happily.  Allah [SWT] has created the husband-wife  relationship to be based on justice and equality. Islam encourages people to have beautiful and harmonious marital relationships to make their marriage last forever. It also encourages both parties to check compatibility before getting married. 

 

3 TIPS FOR HAVING A COMPATIBLE RELATIONSHIP

 1. ACCEPT EACH OTHER’S FLAWS

A healthy relationship requires ‘good communication’. Husband and wife should be able to share their feelings, thoughts and challenges with each other, without the fear of being judged. 

“They are your garments, and you are their garments” [al-Baqarah; 187].

When we point out the wrong in others’ opinions or thoughts, they might start to feel bad about themselves, and would start to question their own personality. The lack of self-esteem would make them feel unloved and unaccepted by the other person. 

 Rather than fixing, provide comfort!

2. CONNECT TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH

Allah[swt] has already made our purpose clear in the Quran that is worshipping Allah alone. Living by one purpose, makes it easy for two people to truly connect and strive for the same goal. There must be a similar goal that holds them together to walk in this journey called life. 

“I did not create the Jinns and the human beings except for the purpose that they should worship Me.” [Quran 51:66] 

Practicing Islam makes ones heart soft for their partner and increases them  in good character, it makes the person calm and easy going.

3. BE YOUR TRUE SELF

Being honest in a relationship is important to maintain compatibility, By not being authentic creates confusion in the relationship and creates misunderstanding. No one can suppress their true self and feelings for so long, it will come out in some or the other way which can be fatal for the relationship.

 

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