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Nikah is a very pious relationship and is one of the greatest blessings from Allah. It brings the lives of two souls together. Without Nikah, the existence of mankind would be impossible. However, we all face difficulties and challenges in our marital relations. There is a numerous number of times when we get angry at our spouses. Sometimes, it is because of the worldly tensions and other times it is because of personal complaints from each other. If Allah made this as a necessary Sunnah, do you think our actions of fighting and arguments are justified? To keep a Nikah ideal and happy, it is important to avoid rage and arguments. Let us talk about some tips which will help you to avoid fights with your spouses.
1. Your priority should be to please Allah. Any Nikah will be successful if both the spouses put their heart and whole to remain committed to Allah. Nikah is done to please Alaha and if you do every like raising your children or serving your husband, then you please Allah. Also, you will surely ignore all the petty fights and unnecessary complaints if you promise to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.)
رَبَّنَا أَفْرِغْ عَلَيْنَا صَبْرًا وَثَبِّتْ أَقْدَامَنَا وَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ
Our Lord, pour upon us patience and plant firmly our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people. [2:250]
2. The rage increases in the fight if both the partners continue to argue. The consequences of the Nikah are bitter if the couples get angry at each other at the same. So, one should try to be calm when other is angry.
“Rasulullah (SAW) said, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times.”
3. One should always remember to keep the voices down. Any spouse in Islam is allowed to shout at one another only if the house is on fire. In other cases, Nikah that has to witness shouts and anger among spouses do not remain healthy.
Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey. (Surah Luqman v19)
4. Most of the times, we make the mistake of being stubborn. We fail to control our nafs due to which it becomes so important to win from our spouse. Allah dislikes those who keep talking ruthlessly. So, if there is an argument over an opinion, let the other spouse win.
Nabi (SAW) said: Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)
5. It is very commonly seen that marital fights include making other one feel guilty because of past mistakes. This is the biggest mistake you can do to degrade your spouse. It is drastically lower down the respect for each other.
Nabi (SAW) said: Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah. (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)
6. You can win anyone or anything with love. So is the case with the fight. Whenever you pick up at a fight with your spouse, make sure that you criticize your spouse lovingly. your aim should be to help your spouse improve rather making him/her feel bad.
Rasulullah (SAW) said, A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min. (Abu Dawood vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.
7. If you think that ignoring the confusion is a better option, then you are wrong. It is never a mature choice to sleep over the fight. Your priority should be to settle the dispute first so that both can have a peaceful sleep.
Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)
8. Your full attention should be on your spouse. Even if it requires you to ignore everything, you should always choose your spouse over and above everything. This will lessen the fights among the couples and will increase mutual love.
Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. Verily there is a right of your wife over you.(Nasai Hadith2391)
9. Honesty is the foundation of happiness in the Nikah. You should be open and truthful to your spouse about everything. This includes if you have made a mistake, you should be brave enough to admit it. Covering up your mistakes and indulging in fights because of that is meaningless.
Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness. (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)
10. When there are frequent fights, it means there is an absence of love. you should put in continuous efforts to reinforce the mutual. This can be done by appreciating each other. Also, you should never fail to express gratitude towards one another. This will help to ignore fights.
Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah. (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)
